


Breathe

by NBvagabond



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, also i'll add more characters and tags as i progress but this will just be when i feel like it, this is incredibly self indulgent hm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 00:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19897129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBvagabond/pseuds/NBvagabond
Summary: 'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cableAnd life's like an hourglass, glued to the table-Alex Karev is a lot of things. An excellent surgical resident, for one. A damn handsome stealth trans man for another.He's also married to a woman who left him with nothing but a note, just three months after their boyfriend was hit by a bus and killed.And now, it turns out, one of the last things George left him with is a baby.-set during season 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is incredibly self indulgent lmao  
> also i'm australian so excuse any excess 'u's around for these americans

The baby was still holding on. Alex was kind of surprised, he hadn’t expected her to last so long. She was still breathing, quietly, when Bailey walked in.  
She said something about kangaroo holding - about saving that baby’s life just by holding her. And, jeez, that was something that made Alex feel… something. But then she told him to take off his shirt.  
“What?” He almost laughed. Humour was his natural defense reaction, after all. “No. Take off your shirt.”  
“No, just-” Bailey sighed the same way Alex had heard hundreds of times before. “The kangaroo hold, it’s most effective when there’s skin on skin contact. It’s usually the mom, but, y’know, you’re gonna have to do.”  
Alex raised an eyebrow. Take off his shirt? A tiny part of him was impressed he’d managed to pass so well for so long, but the rest of him was starting to get nervous. How was he supposed to do skin to skin contact through a binder? Or was he supposed to just get half naked in the NICU?  
“I’m not kidding!” Bailey half yelled, clearly misunderstanding his apprehension. “Take off your shirt!”  
Alex looked down at the baby again. She was so small, and so helpless. She needed him - how could he refuse just to keep his own secrets?  
“I…” How do you even start this conversation? He hadn’t actually come out to anyone since Izzie and George. “I can’t do it out here.”  
Bailey frowned. “Didn’t exactly take you for a shy one, Karev.”  
“No it’s-” Alex sighed, trying to keep his heart rate steady, for the baby. “I’m not _shy_ , it’s that I literally can’t, not with my… parts.” He tried to raise his eyebrows to help her understand, but she just looked more confused.  
“What on earth-”  
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, have you never met a transgender person in your whole career?” He snapped, and instantly regretted it. But Bailey’s eyes finally widened in realisation.  
“Oh!” She looked at his chest, then quickly back up. “Oh, right, okay. I’ll, uh. I’ll find you a dressing gown?”  
Alex nodded, swallowing. The things he did for babies. How different he was from when he started his internship.

\--

They were watching the heart monitor continue to go up, sharing a small smile, when Dr Shephard walked in. The dressing gown and the baby made it impossible to notice anything ‘different’ about his chest, but Alex couldn’t help but feel exposed.  
Despite all their jokes, and staring - especially that Mercy West girl - it seemed like Alex was still managing to stay stealth. For now.  
After the unwelcome visitors had left, as Bailey was helping Alex keep the baby connected to the machines as he sat down, he began to put things together. Things that he wasn’t sure he liked the thought of. He’d thrown up two days ago, he’d felt more emotional over this baby than any other patient he’d ever had, and just now when he’d been getting changed he couldn’t help but notice he’d looked bloated.  
He was a doctor, he could add up a few obvious symptoms.  
“Dr Bailey,” He reached out for her sleeve as she turned to leave.  
“Don’t worry, your secret’s perfectly safe with me,” she reassured him.  
“No, I - Could you do me one more favour?” When she nodded, he continued, quietly. “Can you get me a pregnancy test?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Okay, what is up with you?” Christina finally demanded, three days after Alex had found out he was pregnant. He hadn’t told anyone yet, of course - Meredith was the only person, other than Bailey, who knew he was trans, and they weren’t really that close. The only people he wanted to tell were George and Izzy.  
But obviously, that wasn’t happening.  
Alex poked at his salad with a plastic fork. He’d been going to have something greasier, but the way Dr Bailey glared at him forced him towards the healthier option. “I dunno,” he lied, “I’m just dealing with all the Izzy shit. All her bills and crap.”  
Christina snorted.  
“No, you’re not.” Meredith swallowed a bite of sandwich, “There’s something else up with you Alex, I can tell.”  
“Shut up.”  
His phone buzzed in his pocket - his first ultrasound appointment was in a couple minutes. Arizona was in surgery, thankfully, since it would be on the same floor as peds.  
“I gotta go,” he said, swiping away the reminder before Christina or Meredith could read it. “Deal with your own bullshit.”  
“That wasn’t a page,” Christina said - she seemed excited at the idea of someone having more drama she could poke her nose into. “Have you got an appointment or something?” She gasped. “Is it cancer? Do you have cancer too?”  
To her credit, she shut up when Meredith elbowed her.  
“Cancer’s not freakin’ contagious, Yang.” Alex scowled. They weren’t going to let this go, were they? “Fine. Look, I’ll tell you everything after work, if you’ll just shut up about it till then?”  
“Deal.” Christina stuck out a hand, which Alex ignored.  
“ _What_ is his problem?” he heard her say as he left the cafeteria.

The fourth floor was the most familiar to Alex, being mostly pediatrics. The ultrasound rooms, not as much. He’d been in a couple times, for a consult, but. Today was different.  
His stomach was fluttering nervously - the doctor part of his brain reminded him that he would be around 17 weeks at least, and it wouldn’t be impossible for that to actually be the baby kicking.  
Alex would have liked to wait outside the door for his nerves to settle some, but the longer he waited, the greater the chance that someone would stumble upon him. The fear of being outed like that was greater than his nerves over the appointment, so he headed straight in.  
Dr Fields was already inside. She was pretty, Alex thought, and in any other scenario he might have flirted with her. It didn’t really seem appropriate right now, though.  
“Hi, Alex,” She said, shaking his hand with a warm smile. “Just to check, it’s he/him, right?”  
Alex blinked. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s it.” Dr Fields was the only OB/GYN at the hospital who had specifically mentioned working with pregnant trans people, but it was still a nice surprise that she checked.  
“Great. Are you wearing a binder?”  
“Uh, yeah. Just a half one, just the chest.” Alex felt the need to clarify - he’d dealt with his fair share of idiotic patients, he wouldn’t be surprised if Dr Fields had met men waring a full tank binder while pregnant.  
After a few more basic questions, Alex got set up on the bed. He lay back, shirt pulled up to expose his abdomen. It had a slight swell, barely noticeable if you weren’t looking, but Alex was definitely looking.  
The gel was cold, he’d known that much. What he wasn’t prepared for was the emotion that swept over him as the grainy, black and white image came up on the screen. He choked back a sob as the wand moved over his belly, finally finding the tiny body of his baby.  
His _baby_.  
Dr Fields gave him a small smile. She didn’t mention the tears silently rolling down his cheeks, or the lack of a partner in the room.  
“There’s your baby.”

By the time he was leaving the exam room, Alex felt at least a little more prepared than he had for the past three days. He knew he was around 17 weeks, like he thought; the baby was probably (but not definitely) a girl; and, so far at least, she was completely and perfectly healthy. He was so preoccupied, lost in his own thoughts, that he didn’t notice Arizona rolling down the hallway till she almost bumped into him.  
“Woah, hey Alex!” She stopped herself running into him by grabbing his shoulders. “Sorry about that - oh hey, you got a fetal consult?” She cut herself off, noticing the ultrasound picture in his hands and reaching for it.  
Instinctively, Alex pulled away before she could grab the picture. “No! I mean, um, yeah, but, uhh…” He trailed off, staring at Arizona’s hurt and confused expression. “Oh, fuck it,” He grabbed her arm and led her into the nearest supply closet.  
“Alex, I’m flattered, but, you’re not really my type.” She joked as he shoved her inside and closed the door.  
“Oh, shut up,” he muttered, handing over the ultrasound. “Be careful with that.”  
There was silence for a moment as Arizona pored over the image. She took her time, clearly sensing _something_ was up. Eventually, she shook her head.  
“What am I looking for here, Alex? Everything’s fine.” She looked up at him. “Is this someone you know?”  
Tears began threatening to flow again, and Alex cursed his damn hormones. “I guess you could say that,” he said, not trusting himself to explain everything without crying.  
Arizona looked back down, and Alex guessed she must have looked at the name on the top, since her eyes widened. Looking back at him, her eyes jumped from his face to his chest, then belly, clearly figuring things out.  
After a long moment, she swallowed, handing back the picture. Alex took it with annoyingly shaky hands.  
“Can I give you a hug?” She asked quietly. Alex shrugged, knowing she’d take that as a yes. She did, of course, and god it was nice.  
“Is this good, or… not so good?” She asked, muffled slightly by his shoulder.  
“I don’t really know. Good, I guess, even though… they’re both, y’know. Gone.” Alex tried not to think about how differently he’d be feeling if George and Izzy were here.  
Eventually, the two pulled apart.  
“I’ve got a patient to go see,” Arizona said, checking her phone, “but, Alex? Congratulations.” She smiled, before leaving.  
Alex leaned against the wall, the ultrasound picture in one hand and the other resting on the swell of his belly.  
He was pregnant.  
He was going to have a baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know lucy fields deals with high risk cases and stuff, not just any pregnancy like this, but i wanted her to be in this and have a friendship with alex


End file.
